3月20 是2022年春天的第一天，在這突然忙碌的3月中，突然有點找不到1月時自我設置的自我條規。 也許計畫幻想中與實際操作大有差別，但也只能咬著牙堅持下去.
閒話家常的來談談完美主義/潔癖和強迫症 OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)能畫上等號嗎？其實完美主義和強迫症的本質大有不同， 但可以因本身個性完美主義演變成潔癖與強迫症。完美主義是人的一種人格特質，而潔癖與強迫症是心理的一種心理上的病態。而我就是活生生的例子。
工程師：“Honey, you spray way too much." （親愛的，你噴消毒酒精會不會噴得太多了。）
我："I have sprayed every surface, it might contain lots of germs." （不會啊，我必須把每面都噴到，以防某一個角落有病菌）
工程師："Oh yeah, you will actually kill everyone first before we even get the COVID."（哦，是嗎？但我更覺得在我們還沒得新冠之前，我們大家應該中毒死亡了（消毒噴劑中毒💀）
治療自己心理的病，就是先好好面對自己心理上的問題，【蛤蟆先生去看心理師 Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure 】這一本書裡面有一句寫的很好：「心理諮商向來是一個自發的過程，諮商師和當事人都必須出於自願。也就是說，只有當你是為自己而不是為了取悅朋友們才想諮商的時候，我們才能真正合作。...為諮商負責的只能是你，而不能是其他任何人。」也就是說，想要治好自己的問題，先要自己發現，坦誠面對自己後，才會有好的解決方案。
想要參考更多完美主義vs強迫症 或其他心理諮詢文章： https://fairiesheart.com
First day of spring season start, which is today in March.20th 2022. I was in low spirits because of the rainy weather, and I have been drained out from all the invisible pressure that building up since beginning of March.
Hopefully by writing personal blog will help reducing my tiredness.
What should I start my small talk today?
Does Perfectionism equal/not equal to OCD (obsessive - compulsive disorder)? Well, they are a bit different but have some connection. Having perfectionism is characteristic, it isn’t a diagnosable mental disorder; However, having OCD is a mental disorder. You can have perfectionism as personality since you are little, and base on the environment you grow up, can have OCD after. I will be a perfect example of why.
I have found myself not just have perfectionism but slowly having OCD system since pandemic started. A brief word on Perfectionism, tend to set high goals and work as hard as possible to achieve it; the person may become extremely picky on certain things or have all kinds of standard to the level is not flexible (everything must be flawless, especially you have the control to oversee something). Ridiculous, right? I will even say YES multiple times. Although a person who has perfectionism, he/she tends to have lowest confidence of himself/herself or doubt himself/herself whether they can be competent for this task. After self-reflect on myself, I even question myself, “DON’T YOU FEEL EXHAUSTED? 🙄” Well this is not even the worst thing that have happened to me.
I have been moving around with my family since I was little. By changing different environments, locations, learning new thing every step I move had slowly shaped me with various personality. This could be good and bad at the same time.
Till 2020 which is pandemic started. I totally changed into different person. I have noticed that I have OCD symptoms. I found out whenever I was frustrated or under invisible pressure, I would start repeating doing same tasks or thinking about same things.
Want to hear a crazy story?
Since the day I knew COVID 19, we started staying at home and no contact with anyone. Although I knew how people gets COVID, I kept thinking the moment someone open the door, the COVID germs would fly into the house. On top of that, I kept washing my hands and kids’ hands whenever we had contacted with outside food or …just air lol, washed till my skin got so weak and cracked; I still didn’t stop whatever I was doing. I had to shower right after I got home from outside. I think my husband noticed the water bill had been increased.
I still remember one of the days, my package had arrived. I brought in my package, and guess what? My first thing was nonstop spraying Lysol to kill the germs on every surface that you could see.
Then I heard….
Hubby: “Honey, you spray way too much.”
Me: “I have to spray every surface; it might contain lots of germs.”
Hubby: “Oh yeah, you will actually kill everyone first before we even get the COVID.”
ME: “……😬” (I didn’t know how to respond him at that moment)
I guess it is about time to slow down and adjust myself. My husband he decided to take a whole week off just to take me and kids out of the house and had short family vacations at Oregon. To accepted and live with germs, be able to breath like a normal person, to learn to love myself, and relax myself.
I think I am getting much better now. At least I know my own problems and willing to face it and heal it.